JULZBOY

… well, probably even more than that, judging from the quality (or lack thereof) of this new one. hahaha.
it’s not really about someone i know/knew. it’s not even about the current state i’m in.
it’s just something that reflects my mood.
"liars go to hell?"

Stubborn

I fail to comprehend the intricacies of intimacy.
When I said I  didn’t have feelings for you, I hoped that was true.
It wasn’t… isn’t; and I didn’t know what to do.
You looked into my eyes, and they betrayed me to you.

To close a chapter is pervasive misery, drowning rational thoughts.
I find myself creating fantasies about what could have been;
stealing pitiful glances at what used to be;
unable to deal with the reality that actually is.

Maybe I just didn’t deserve you.
I broke your heart a number of times along the way.
Yet you held my hands and forgave me without reservations;
with the tears I refused to see, flowing down your beautiful face.

When I said goodbye, it was with a heavy heart.
Feet dragging, stalling; wanting to take back what was said.
Knowing fully well, that I wouldn’t.
Hoping sincerely that you’d make me do so.

I realize that I’m not strong enough to accept you, my friend, as a friend.
I’m just not like that.
But I did love you with all that I am because I didn’t know how else to.

I still do.

I don’t know why.
I suppose I’m just stubborn that way.

-julzboy 4/18.06 3:33am

4/08/06
By nature, i am a happy person. moody? suplado? corny? funny?  well, those words can describe me too, depending on my mood. right now. i’m just happy. i can’t pinpoint one particular reason for my being so. i suppose i just am.

i’ve received quite a number of messages asking me whether or not my status as being "in a domestic partnership" indicates that i am "off the market". haha. the answer is No. Not because i’m the type to play the field (i most certainly am not), but because i lost a bet and i had to indicate that i am in a domestic partnership (which i think basically just means a prolonged fling).

the object of the bet? i bet that no one actually reads blogs nor considers looking at the "status" of the people in their list. i lost by a large margin. i purposefully didn’t answer any of my friends’ queries regarding such status because otherwise, i would have had to pay an even stiffer penalty (honesty system haha). But basically, my mailbox was inundated with messages teasing me and asking me who the unlucky girl is. so there it is. wala pa.. rin. same old same old (baby pa kasi ako.. ndi pa ready hahahaha)

i’m now an incoming senior in the UP college of law. this  schoolyear, we will actually be handling REAL cases and will be going in front of real judges to litigate our clients’ interests (this is legal by the way; Rules of Court Rule 138-A). i can hardly verbalize the feeling of dread that creeps within me everytime i hear the word OLA (office of legal aid). i am NOT ready to act (and be) like a lawyer. i don’t know anything yet. KERBY na ako. man, kung daily recitations nga lang kerby na, yun pa kaya? hahaha

some reasons to be happy:
–just came from bicol and totally enjoyed my stay there with my cuzzins and blockmates (i also went to Gubat, Sorsogon. saw some Esquivias clans there haha… i got goosebumps when i read my name in the stores )
–i get to go on an extended vaction with my family this summer (kapamliya hehe)
–i have the best bunch of friends… B-boys and C-mates (select blockmates lang ako close.. but it’s not because of a lack of effort) and some other non-law sch friends which prevent me from going crazy.  Eagles Fortune hlky as well hehehehe

overheard in Donsol, Bicol:
Lady blockmate (gesticulating): we saw a whaleshark this big.
Psycho Sid: That’s nothing. I saw one as big as a bus!
Lady blockmate: No shit?!
Psyco Sid: Shit Yeah!!!!

Xtian walking away (muttering): yeah, whatever whatever.
–00–

haha i swear i have personal knowledge abt this