My first poem in three years…
… well, probably even more than that, judging from the quality (or lack thereof) of this new one. hahaha.
it’s not really about someone i know/knew. it’s not even about the current state i’m in.
it’s just something that reflects my mood.
"liars go to hell?" 
Stubborn
I fail to comprehend the intricacies of intimacy.
When I said I didn’t have feelings for you, I hoped that was true.
It wasn’t… isn’t; and I didn’t know what to do.
You looked into my eyes, and they betrayed me to you.
To close a chapter is pervasive misery, drowning rational thoughts.
I find myself creating fantasies about what could have been;
stealing pitiful glances at what used to be;
unable to deal with the reality that actually is.
Maybe I just didn’t deserve you.
I broke your heart a number of times along the way.
Yet you held my hands and forgave me without reservations;
with the tears I refused to see, flowing down your beautiful face.
When I said goodbye, it was with a heavy heart.
Feet dragging, stalling; wanting to take back what was said.
Knowing fully well, that I wouldn’t.
Hoping sincerely that you’d make me do so.
I realize that I’m not strong enough to accept you, my friend, as a friend.
I’m just not like that.
But I did love you with all that I am because I didn’t know how else to.
I still do.
I don’t know why.
I suppose I’m just stubborn that way.
-julzboy 4/18.06 3:33am
