JULZBOY

In My Darkest Hour

-by Julius Esquivias 

It comes at different times for different people. It comes in different forms. Its
myriad effects causes undue pressure and unnecessarily raises one’s
stress levels.  It forces upon you a feeling of helplessness while
choking off your air, practically daring you to give up. Doubt forms
and self-confidence dissolves as frustration envelops your person. You
shudder either in disgust or in trepidation. Your
stomach gets squeamish and your knees start to buckle. You ask the
questions, not knowing if they are the right ones. And you filter
answers to hear only those that you want to. Your sense and sensibilities disappear. Suddenly, you’re so far away from your comfort zone. Suddenly, you are all alone.

In came to me earlier today, at a time when I fully expected to be jubilant in my success.

The
weakest point of my life came as a complete surprise and left me
helplessly torn apart. When it did, I felt that everything that
mattered had come to an end. At such a juncture, my mind conjured Failure as my ultimate destination. My rational mind shut down, and my heart ached for a more glorious past.

I began to question myself even as my whole belief system teetered on the edge. I  had come to one of my life’s most difficult crossroads
and I felt pressured to choose a path that I knew I have to navigate. I
was tempted to choose the one with least resistance, knowing fully well
that I have to choose another, more productive one. At this juncture, I
finally see the failings of what arrogance and stubbornness can bring. At this point in time, I understand the need to take a stand and make a life-defining choice.

Once
I take that fateful step, life will probably get better. I’ll wake up
from my stupor and come to realize that I’m okay. I’ll become more
conscious of my surroundings, and become more appreciative of what I
have. I’ll probably realize that empty boxes make pretty good
containers. I’ll begin to recognize the reality that fallen fruits are
seeds for the future. I can envision my heroes’ chastisements and echoes of disappointments as prospective storylines for my later success.

I should take the steps to make this into reality so that one day I can aspire to write about it for posterity.

My
quest to determine who I am will begin with finding myself in the
shadows of inadequacy. I may choose to sulk and be a sad soul in my darkest hour.
But I may also choose to be an inspirational fighter. With some luck
and perseverance, I can further myself to achieve great progress. From
the blindness, I can rise and become that shining Star.

I don’t have to completely fall.

When my reason for standing gave way from under me, God was really only telling me that it’s about time that I learn to fly.